Category Archives: Humour

From the mouths of babes

My wife is still on cloud nine. Myles really made her day yesterday. He sweetly said to her, “Mum, I love you, even more than a camel”. While all her friends liked it, and commented on how sweet he is, isn’t anybody worrying about the feelings of the poor camel?

There was another funny moment when we were at a friend’s house. She got their pet tortoise out to show us, Myles was initially a little frighted, But he became more brave when it was put in my hand, and he even started to pat it. But right at that point of time it began to impressively urinate all over my hand, and onto Myles’s shoe and foot.

“Oh, gross!” was the response. And as I took him to the bathroom to get cleaned up, he protested that he should have been told it’s a Weeing Tortoise (perhaps it’s Indian name?). And he added, the tortoise definitely should have been labeled a “Weeing Tortoise” at the pet shop.

Toilet training hiccup

We’ve started toilet training Lewis, from around 1 year and 3-4 months of age. He has been a real natural. From the first time I put him on the seat, he’s been pretty much able to Number 1 on demand.

This afternoon he went without a nappy for a while. It’s interesting how he seems to dance a lot more when he’s nude.

I was a little paranoid he was going to wee on the floor, so I asked him if he wanted to wee on the toilet. He nodded with conviction. So we went to the toilet, where he managed a little trickle, which I applauded in the interests of encouragement.  Incidentally, he occasionally sneaks into the toilet when Elle or I are in there doing our own business, and it’s interesting to see when we’re done he now claps us too.

A little while later he was running around the couch I was sitting on, and when he was standing behind me I asked if he wanted to wee on the toilet again. I turned around and saw him nod again, and was excited that he’s starting to communicate it so well. But then I spotted him looking down. Oh no! I looked to where he was looking, and yep – he wanted to wee alright. He wanted to wee all over the floor. There floor was covered in litres of yellow. It caused me to think the first one on the toilet was him actually holding it in, so he could get maximum effect later.

Oh well, we’ll keep trying. It’s all progress I guess.

False Advertising

Last night I took Myles to the medical clinic. Without getting into any gory details, the outcome was we got some cream for him to apply.

When we got home he asked to see the cream, which had a lion as the logo. His face screwed up in a look of disappointment when he saw the packet, and he asked the imperative question “Why do we have to put it on a lion?!”

“Children’s” Hospital

When we were in Melbourne in October, we took Myles on his first tram ride. We just jumped on the first one we saw, as we didn’t really understand the system from our apartment.

The line we were on went past the Royal Children’s Hospital. The hospital had some large posters featuring kids which was hiding some construction work. The pictures of kids got Myles’s attention, so he asked what it was. I told him it was the Children’s Hospital. He looked a bit puzzled by this, then made the point, “kids can’t be doctors!”.

Winners are grinners

We were back in Australia for the race that stops the nation, The Melbourne Cup. As part of a pretty common tradition we ran a sweep amongst those who happened to be around. And for the first time we included the kids, Myles aged 5 and Ethan aged 4. It was all fun and games as they learned which horses they had, and boasted about the chances of their particular horses winning and making them rich – rich from the booty of $22.

Myles happened to get the horse Crime Scene, which was trained in our adopted country of Dubai by His Heighness Sheikh Mohammed’s stable, Godolphin. Myles was over the moon with the coincidental connection to HH.

The horse got a great 2nd place, but that was highly disappointing for Myles. Tears flowed as he got more upset than I had seen him in years. We tried to make the most of the situation and teach him some valuable lessons that not everyone can win, and so on. But it all went badly. We even tried playing down the event to make him know that the race didn’t really matter in the end, but that didn’t diffuse the situation at all. In the end I also tried to use Myles’s sense of pride toward Sheikh Mohammed to ease his grief. But that one blew right up in my face! I simply told Myles, come on now don’t cry. Then I rhetorically asked if he thought Sheikh Mohammed is at home crying on his bed because his horse didn’t win. Myles looked at me quite indignantly with his now blood-shot eyes, and replied shirtly to me, “Yes Dad, I’m sure he is!”.

Bengali Matrimony.com

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With such a large Indian presence in Dubai, a lot of the online news for the area have links to Indian ads.  One that got my attention this morning was the Bengali Matrimony web site, http://www.bengalimatrimony.com/

It’s mostly the same as what (I assume) you’d expect on an online dating site back home.  It has a few differences though.  It seems to have a pretty comprehensive search on religion, region and language – I guess as India’s such a large, populous and diverse place.

But I thought the face search was most interesting
(http://profile.bengalimatrimony.com/search/smartphotoform.php).

What it does is allow you to return all the prospective brides that have a facial similarity to your chosen Bollywood actress. Woohoo!

It seemed a bit hit and miss from my trial of this (for purely research purposes obviously), but obviously worth a try.

The infamous work dunny

I have come to the conclusion that the best way to tell if the toilet at work is occupied is not necessarily whether the latch indicator is red.  The best sign is that I’ve become desperate to go – then it will surely be busy!

For my area, I share a single male toilet with maybe 50 guys.  And lately with work I’ve often been holding on for some time, and when I finally find a 5 minute window to relieve myself, more often than not it seems I’ll need to wait for some time longer.

In fact some days the odds have fallen so badly, I’ve been convinced the same guy has been in the loo for 5 or more hours.

But I’ve come up with an ingenious idea, of changing the colours on the toilet door’s latch.  So when it is free, the latch actually shows red and people are forced to make the 60 metre trek to the next one.  I, however, will be in the know that it’s actually a sign it’s free. Maybe someone has done this before me.

Titanic

Since seeing the movie, my son has become a big fan of the Titanic. So last night when we heard the theme song, “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion we asked if he recognised where the song was from. Maybe it was the noise of the restaurant, but he didn’t recognise it so Elle said it was from the Titanic. He listened again intently, then a sudden look of realisation took over his face as he told us, “Yeah, it’s when they were dying”.

Investment Banking Explained

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news.   The donkey died.'”

Chuck replied, “Well then, just give me my money back.”

The farmer said,” ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Chuck  said, “OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?”

Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”

Chuck said, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”

Chuck said, “I raffled him off.  I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Chuck said, “Just the guy who won.  So I gave him his two dollars back.”

Chuck now works for Morgan Stanley..