An upstanding man of about 60 is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the harmful effects it has on others.”
The officer asks, “Oh really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The man replies, “My wife.”
(thanks Aitch)
It was not my intention, but isn’t it interesting that the icons from my regular Microsoft products seem to suggest I’m using “OPEN” Office software – quite contrary to open office software.
The Windows 7 taskbar icons are from Outlook, Powerpoint, Internet Explorer, and One Note.
This morning my boys and I had a wrestle, like we often do.
The two of them are really starting to work well together. I can see I’m clearly in danger in the years to come.
Myles especially is starting to take our little contests to the next level. He’s almost starting to sound like a WWE professional. While struggling on top of me, he exclaimed “We’re not trying to kill you, we’re just going to break your head off!”
Not very comforting.
Prolific Tweeter @Stephen Fry tweeted a link to the Google Blacklist. It’s supposedly a list of words where Google does not suggest the rest of the search in order to avoid offending anybody. It relates to Google Instant which works by anticipating your search as you type each letter and giving the remainder of potential phrases to you as a possible link. From processing 400 million queries per day, it usually has a pretty good idea of what you could be after.
Going through the list is slightly amusing. But perhaps it’s more alarming how much time people have devoted to searching on rude words to work out if Google will keep quiet on the subject matter or not.
I thought it was interesting to also see Google take quite an innocent search into a totally inappropriate direction.
Earlier in the week I wanted to know if hummus (the Middle Eastern chick pea foodstuff) was healthy. That was before I knew how to spell hummus.
Typing just “Is homo” to search on threw up 10 queries about homosexuality I never considered.
Some time ago I also found that typing a simple “How to” into Google would have some strange suggestions around -making babies -french kiss, and so on.. but checking this out now, it seems they’ve vetted the suggestions more sensibly.
Myles and I saw our friend Alan in the lift of our apartment building. Myles has an interest in cars, so when Alan left I mentioned that he has a nice Audi. My little guy looked up at me a little strangely, and asked what did it look like so I responded it’s a nice sporty Audi TT. Aah, to this he was a bit relieved. Myles thought I had said Alan had an “outtie” – Australian slang for an unusual belly button that protrudes out instead of going in.
NB: I cannot confirm whether Alan’s belly button goes in or out.
Myles and I were looking at a book of his stickers this morning. It’s a collection of poorly copied Thomas the Tank Engine pictures, and a few buzz words. I got Myles to tell me what one of the words said, he was able to sound it out – “SPEED”. He pointed at one to show me, but without looking at it I asked, ‘what does it say?’ Myles looked at me and said it’s a picture of a pencil – in a tone which sounded a bit like “what are you going on about Dad?”. But then with a cheeky grin he put the sticker book to his ear, and eerily said to me – “It’s saying it’s going to kill you!”
The majority of web advertisements are boring. But every now and again one captures my interest – usually for the wrong reasons.
This happened just now, when I was enlightened about a programme to learn how to speak with an Australian accent to help with job prospects. Being an Australian myself, perhaps I could pick it up quicker than the 15 minutes per day they suggest it requires.
Don’t let your accent hold you back, get the job, salary and the recognition that you deserve.
It’s interesting, I thought the Australian accent could have the same issues.
http://www.speakmoreclearly.com/australianaccent?gclid=CMKeocullqICFQceZwodYGeNFg
He approaches the teller. He can see from her nametag that her name is Patricia Whack.
“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. He says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says…
“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”