Category Archives: Humour

Half companion, half trouble-maker

(An imagined real story :-))

Norm was a typical Australian bloke, with a typical Australian dog.

The dog was called Rusty.  He was half companion, half trouble-maker.

It proved difficult to keep such an active, free-spirited dog under control.

He would always fall into mischief.  And some mischief was clearly worse than others.

In fact, limits had been reached of late, and Norm had to give Rusty a couple of warnings for ruining people’s property and bringing home dead animals.  It was a point of complaint in the community, a point of embarassment for Norm, and a point of concern for Rusty’s future.

During the day Rusty would usually be out and about.  It was when he returned in the afternoon, that Norm would feel most uneasy about what Rusty had destroyed this time.

What damage has Rusty done which will need explaining, fixing, or covering up?

One particular afternoon, almost on cue to the worry that was awaking in Norm, Rusty started his return trip down his long home street.  But this time, Rusty’s approach was accompanied by a loud, horrible screeching noise.

It was the sound of a large goose.  An extremely distressed goose, being held against its will and being dragged slowly and surely back home.

Rusty’s natural instinct and determination patiently dragged this poor goose some unknown massive distance, with each drag only covering 30 centimetres at a time.  This was despite the goose being physically larger than Rusty, and its intense flapping and distressed screaming throughout the entire ordeal.

It became clear to Norm what had happened before even seeing the crime scene of feathers Rusty was dragging from who knows where. The trail of evidence was clearly leading all the way directly to Norm’s back door, and the whole neighborhood would already know the culprit.

The noise surely alerted everyone a kilometre in any distance from his home.

The next door neighbour, Jack, came on the scene at the same time as Norm.

Norm was sweating.  There’s no way he could escape from this extremely unsettling, awkward moment.

Norm had instant visions of community outrage, police reports, and Rusty’s demise.

Jack, the neighbour had a look of shock at this massive goose still struggling in the jaws of a tired yet proud Rusty. Then he walked in close to Norm’s ear and whispered, “I’ll go you halves.”

[Joke] Mobile Commuting

After a busy day John settled down in his train from Waterloo for a nap as far as his destination at Winchester, when the chap sitting near him hauled out his mobile and started up:- “Hi darling it’s Peter, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s the 6.30 and I’m late but I had a long meeting. No, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss. No darling you’re the only one in my life – yes, I’m sure, cross my heart” etc., etc.
This was still going on as the train passed by Wimbledon, when the young woman opposite,
driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice –
“Hey, Peter, turn that bloody phone off and come back to bed!!”

50 things u didn’t know about whales

Myles has an end of school assembly this Thursday. At the assembly he’s part of a performance about whales. There’s a lovely song he’s been practicing called Baby Beluga. And he’s been rehearsing a fact that he must recite in front of everyone:

1F (his class) has been learning about whales. Did you know that whales breath air?

When he was practicing in the car on the way home, I thought I’d have some fun and suggest some other facts that he might like to also share. All the facts were made up of course. Then the challenge was set to come up with 50 things that people didn’t know (because they’re totally made up):

  1. Did you know whales are colour-blind
  2. Did you know whales taste like chicken
  3. Did you know whales sing mostly in the key of C#
  4. Did you know whales fart thru their blowholes
  5. Did you know whales are right-handed
  6. Did you know the width of a whale’s tale fin is the same as the distance between its eyes
  7. Did you know whales have 6 different stomachs
  8. Did you know whales and the dung beatle share 97% the same DNA
  9. Did you know whale blubber was used in the original snow cones
  10. Did you know whales were the inspiration for the hay bale’s shape and name
  11. Did you know whales abide by a 30 hour day
  12. Did you know when whales sleep they sink
  13. Did you know whales can swim in a depth of water half their height
  14. Did you know whale literally means “heavy plops”
  15. Did you know whales live in all seven oceans, and three of the Great Lakes
  16. Did you know Nostradamus predicted whales would grow legs by the year 3000
  17. Did you know whales are responsible for the inadvertent explosion of 10,000 navy mines per year
  18. Did you know each adult whale consumes 1 tonne of pollution per year
  19. Did you know whales get sunburnt in Summer waters
  20. Did you know whales can’t turn left
  21. Did you know whales can only turn right
  22. Did you know whales can live in excess of 45o years
  23. Did you know whales are scared of star fish
  24. Did you know whales change species in the absence of viable breeding partners

… and I (happily) failed.

Wiggley IT training

I recently received an invitation to enrol in some IT training in the region. It was nice to see even a certain globally recognized IT Management professional is a fan of The Wiggles song, “Hot Potato”.

Course Wiggle

Quintica training provider resembling The Wiggles

Tired of being tired

I was putting clothes away in Lewis’s room this morning when he woke up. Unlike him, he woke up quite cranky.  When I cuddled him I asked, do you want to go to the toilet – he responded “No, I’m tired”. 

I asked if he wanted to go downstairs and have some (rice) bubbles “No, I’m tired he replied.

Then I asked if he wanted to go back to bed, he made it clear “NO, I’M TIRED!”.

Interestingly, Myles also used this excuse when he was younger and we had asked him to do some sort of chore.

Sun down

We ate at our table out the back last night, as the evening was so lovely. Lewis (aged 2 years old) looked up at the sky and announced to us all that it’s getting dark. I asked him why. He went quiet for maybe 2-3 seconds so I honestly thought he may not have known, but then he responded quite matter of factly, “Sun fell down“.

Fooling no one

A little while ago I realised I’m no longer able to fool my kids. It wasn’t too long ago that I used to scare Myles when he woke up by saying he missed our trip to Disney World.  Now when he wakes up and I try something more realistic like he’s missed the bus, he just says to me “Give it a rest Dad!”

Queensland floods

Myles was very interested in news of the devastating floods back home in Queensland, and particularly Brisbane – our former city. He was extremely concerned about the whole emergency. 

From the various stories we shared with him about it, he particularly liked the story of the tug boat driver who saved the Gateway Bridge from the 50 metre strech of concrete walkway that broke away from its pylons – despite the clear risk, and it not being part of his job. Amongst Myles’s praises for the tug boat driver he mentioned, “No job is as important as saving another”.  It was very touching, I just had to hug the boy.  I thought it was excessively deep for a six year old.  Then he told me he didn’t come up with it himself, it was from Thomas the Tank Engine – apparently Rusty said it once.  Still it was lovely to hear him recount it.