I’ve always enjoyed humour based on satire and wit. Like when comedian Steven Wright observed that a shin is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Back at school I bought Colin Bowles The Wit’s Dictionary, which over time I even added to in pencil when new satirical terms from other sources took my fancy.
I also came up with some of my own from time to time, with some help from my kids. Below I’ve been capturing some of my own warped meanings drafted with tongue-in-cheek, sprinkled with some #kidlulz.
| Term | Definition | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Agenagenagen | (Hindi) "You're unclear, please repeat what you said in a simpler way." | 8:50 PM - 24 May 2017 |
| Arrogance | The collective noun for a collection of red wines from different regions. | 6:02 PM - 3 Oct 2015 |
| Avocado | Green thing, like a pear, just more disgusting. | #kidlulz 6:21 AM - 26 Jan 2016 |
| Bi-weekly | (adj/adv/noun) A frequency which has Two vastly different meanings. | 5:55 PM - 23 Feb 2017 |
| Birth | (noun) The event when children find a way out of their mother's belly. | #kidlulz 2:52 AM - 8 Sep 2017 |
| Brash | (adjective) The collective noun of faeces that you fling in anger. | 5:18 PM - 9 Apr 2017 |
| Bread box | a device you put bread in to make it green before throwing out. | 2:16 PM - 7 Jan 2012 |
| Coco pops | Rice bubbles that are brown like a bear. | #kidlulz 7:37 AM - 30 Sep 2016 |
| Crash | (noun) A more fierce Clash; or a regular clash for someone struggling to pronounce an L. | 2:19 PM · May 19, 2020 |
| Croissant | a bread thing, shaped funny that's missing the egg & bacon. | Oxford - not really 8:18 AM - 24 Jun 2014 |
| Croissant (2) | French for Crumbs | 8:23 AM - 25 Feb 2014 |
| DAIYU BUSTED | (Scouser dialect) an unsympathetic suspicion to an opposing team member's injury. | 2:35 PM · May 27, 2016 |
| Decimate | when 10% of your friends are Australians. | 4:30 AM - 20 Apr 2012 |
| Diagonal | (adj.) A bit sideways, and a bit up. | #kidlulz 7:16 AM · Apr 20, 2021 |
| Door-bell | (noun) an intrusive device aimed at distracting you from enjoying life. | 11:54 AM - 25 Mar 2013 |
| Exercuse | (noun) flimsy reason given to avoid a workout. | 11:08 AM - 7 Jan 2016 |
| Export Credit | (noun) The treasury agreeing to scratch your back if you agree to scratch theirs. | 9:17 AM - 13 Mar 2012 |
| Faeces | (noun) the more posh way to mention poo, for story-telling purposes | #kidlulz 3:10 PM · Jul 14, 2016 |
| Faecinating | (adj.) the heightened interest that young boys find in talking about poo. | #kidlulz 9:46 AM · May 20, 2020 |
| Famous | a mostly sold-out adjective, which means either hopeful or desperate. | 6:58 AM - 17 Feb 2013 |
| Fertilizer | a fancy word for putrid stench. | 10:34 AM - 2 Nov 2016 |
| Focusphobia | The fear of doing one thing at a time. | 1:33 AM - 24 Feb 2019 |
| Fresh | (adj.) the non-expletive way to say it’s fucking freezing. | 8:33 AM · Jun 17, 2021 |
| Gap | another word for an opportunity. Is your gap half-empty or your opportunity half-full? | 12:09 PM - 8 Feb 2015 |
| Gawkward | when someone stares at something uneasy/difficult/inconvenient. | 8:14 AM · May 20, 2020 |
| Geese | elegant ducks with a long neck. | #kidlulz 2:58 AM - 27 Aug 2017 |
| Gluten-tag | German greeting for those without coeliac disease. | #kidlulz 2:08 PM · Sep 11, 2021 |
| Hacker | (noun) Any person who is better than Owen in a computer game. | #kidlulz 5:26 PM · Apr 30, 2022 |
| Hamster | (noun) the midway point between a rat and a cat. | 8:05 AM - 16 Nov 2018 |
| Hopeful | When web browsers auto-complete a suggested URL when the user has only typed www. | 9:46 PM - 20 Nov 2012 |
| Hospital | that ambulance house thing | #kidlulz 3:48 PM - 8 Sep 2017 |
| Humbled | (adj) to be proudly embarrassed. | 10:12 AM - 15 May 2012 |
| Infinityaire | (noun) like a millionaire or billionaire, except the money never stopped growing. | Blogged. 9:49 PM - 22 Oct 2012 |
| Insects | something with wings that's annoying. | #kidlulz 10:42 AM - 19 Mar 2016 |
| Intermittent | French for annoying | 8:51 AM - 7 Feb 2012 |
| Irony | When it’s too cold to venture out and buy a jumper. | 11:53 AM - 29 May 2019 |
| Irony | Attending a data dictionary workshop, and I was confused by one of the columns and they explained the title in a completely opposite way to the term's definition. | 2:08 PM · Apr 3, 2023 |
| Irrationalise | (verb) To justify actions based upon illogical reasons. | 9:09 PM - 27 May 2017 |
| "Jeff's Shed" | (For anyone else new to Victoria) "Jeff's Shed" is the Melbourne Convention Exhibition Centre. It has that colloquial title in reference to the former Vic premier. | 1:40 PM · Jun 16, 2021 |
| Jiggerbyte | (n) the digital storage required for a video of lively springy dance in triple rhythm. | 3:14 PM - 19 Jun 2012 |
| Kanban | (??): refers to the evolution of an idea to a sticky note, to an online tool, to a print out, to a photo, to an email message, to a reply-all, back into a tool, and into a brand new idea. | 4:38 PM · Feb 11, 2020 |
| Kiwi Fruit | (noun) fruit of a hairy variety | #kidlulz 10:46 AM - 1 Dec 2012 |
| Knowledge management | (noun)_ Persistence for posterity | 11:58 AM · Jan 12, 2023 |
| Lavatoread | (verb) to take a book with you into the bathroom. | 11:21 AM - 17 Aug 2012 |
| Lint | (noun) an annual religious period of resistance to clothes fluff. | 7:38 PM - 12 Mar 2012 |
| Ludicrous | (adj.) Ridiculous plus 7% | 4:14 PM - 22 Oct 2014 |
| Mobile phone | (n) a device that rings to inform some employees where they were meant to be ten minutes ago | 10:33 AM - 20 May 2012 |
| Mysterious | a sexy word for incomprehensible. | 10:12 AM - 14 Mar 2013 |
| Nostrils | the holes where your boogers are. | #kidlulz 5:15 PM - 28 Jul 2014 |
| Oblivious | (adj.) A dumber version of being unaware. | 10:21 AM - 29 Sep 2014 |
| OMG | Wow x 35% | 5:05 AM - 6 May 2016 |
| Opaque | a posh word for see-through | #kidlulz 9:54 AM - 2 Dec 2012 |
| Organic | increasingly another term for "Yuppy". | 2:33 PM - 17 Feb 2015 |
| Pair of Ducks Paradox | not sure what it might be about, but it sounds cool. | 8:39 AM · Feb 7, 2023 |
| Pareto Passing | 20% of colleagues feel 80% of their duties should be performed by someone else. | 5:47 AM - 9 Jul 2012 |
| Pide (Turkish pastry) | Turkish for tasty pizza boat. | 1:40 PM - 1 Jul 2017 |
| Pistachios | The nut that looks like a clam. | #kidlulz 8:06 PM - 16 Apr 2014 |
| Recall | The short form of "Oh crap, did I just send that to EVERYONE!?" | 10:07 AM - 19 Dec 2013 |
| Result | (noun) the enlightenment from receiving the same insult a second time. | 2:15 PM - 17 Dec 2013 |
| Saturday | The day when people 'sit' around | #kidlulz 7:52 AM · Aug 20, 2019 |
| Sentry gun | (noun) an automatic weapon that will last one hundred years. | #kidlulz 7:27 AM · Sep 25, 2021 |
| Shopping list | (noun) A smarmy device to demonstrate how far off track you can get. | 1:52 PM - 20 Feb 2016 |
| Sleazy | (adj) Creepy plus some ego. | 1:19 PM - 8 Sep 2018 |
| Sludge | the past tense of a slug crossing a footpath. | 9:04 AM - 20 April 2012 |
| Speed Bump | (noun) a small rise in the road, which increases safety by cars driving around them slowly. | 2:47 PM - 4 Mar 2017 |
| Sudoku | Migraine caused by numbers (origin Japan). | 4:07 AM - 31 Aug 2017 |
| Suit jacket | a piece of tailored clothing to make the back of my office chair match my pants. | 2:19 PM - 25 Oct 2011 |
| Treat | The day before Retreat | 2:53 PM - 3 Apr 2018 |
| Triathlon | An athletic pursuit which combines four events, swim, cycle, run, and quickly getting dressed for work after sleeping in. | 2:30 am - 4 Aug 2012 |
| Ubiquitous | (adj.) The ability to complete an unfinished transaction via a different device that isn't yet flat. | 8:25 AM - 29 Nov 2018 |
| Valet | (noun) a French gang who ransom car parks for exorbitant sums of money. | 1:51 PM - 5 Oct 2014 |
| Waggle | (verb) a wiggling wagging motion made by the tails of excessively happy animals. | 6:10 PM - 30 May 2012 |