No I’m not going to die

Reading Time: < 1 minute

This relates to yet another classic comment from my son.

We were in the car and my wife and I were talking about the current status of my sickness.  I’ve had a cough for over a week now, and it now develops into a pretty serious headache by the end of the day.

The little guy in the back was listening in, but didn’t hear all we were saying so he asked what we were talking about.  The wife said, ‘We were just talking about how Daddy is currently sick”.

To this he offered an interesting three year old response, “Is he going to die?”.

Thankfully the answer is no I’m not going to die – not in the short-term anyway –  but you’ve gotta love children.

New Tickle Me Elmo employee

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Ticle Me Elmo dollRyan, the General Manager at the Tickle Me Elmo factory, was asked by his wife to find a job for a good friend of hers who was having some trouble securing a job.  Knowing the friend in question, Ryan was hesitant but in the end agreed to find her something at the factory.  But he thought long and hard for a role that the lady wouldn’t foul up.  Eventually he figured out something dead simple. 

The next day he showed her through the production line of the factory, and her workspace and explained what she needed to do. He asked if she understood, and she said it was no problem at all.  So he left her to her work, and said he’d drop by at lunch time to see how she was going.

Lunch time came, and Ryan met with the manager of the production line to see how the new employee was going. The manager walked into his office looking extremely stressed, explaining you just had to see the production line and what has happened.

The two of them walk down to the production line and there was a terrible back-up with Tickle Me Elmos falling off with such a build-up.

Ryan followed the big line of Elmos that weren’t moving all the way to his wife’s friend who seemed to be the cause.  She was working furiously at the end of the line where he had instructed. 

But she was holding the Elmo doll upside down, and with the greatest of care she was picking up two little ball bearings and a piece of red material, then pain-stakingly sewing these little balls over Elmo’s groin area into a little pocket.

At this Ryan blew his cool and screamed to the lady, “No, no, NO!  I told you to just give Elmo TWO TEST TICKLES!”

My worst half marathon yet

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Last year I ran the Gold Coast full Marathon.  It didn’t go great, but I did OK.

Unfortunately my training this year has been abridged due to more than a few injuries. That’s why I decided to focus on just the half marathon this year.  I say “just” because 21.1km still seems like a decent distance unless you’re in a taxi stuck in traffic.

But the half marathon was definitely my worst yet.  I painfully came home in a disappining – even embarassing – time of 1:53:23.  >20 minutes beyond my best.  13 minutes beyond anything I’d consider average for myself.  3 minutes beyond some of the 50 year old ladies in my running club.

Not happy Jan.

I should say though, the event was great, and the buzz of the Gold Coast is always worth it.

The first three kms I ran with a couple of guys from my club.  We were stuck in a fair bit of traffic so we were reduced to 5min+ km, then we started to find some space and got to just over 4:30min/km pace which was closer to our target.

But I fell off this bus at the four km mark as my legs felt like there were filled to the brim with concrete. My legs just didn’t want to move. Each movement was quite painful, particularly anything quicker than a jog, so I deduced from this I should slow things down if I’m going to go any further. 

It’s a depressing feeling when you’re in a world of hurt, and there’s still more than 17 km to go.  Thoughts of stopping there flashed into my mind, but I couldn’t live with a DNF (Did Not Finish) next to my name.  And I thought considering the cost of this exercise, and the trouble I went through to get to GC it would be even more disappointing.  So I continued in a modified running style – one that was less painful.

At around the seven km mark I lost sensation in my left foot.  This is a condition I’ve had on and off for way too long now.  It happened to me at the Brisbane Marathon Festival half marathon also – my last disappointing race.  There I decided to sit down and stretch it out, then I was able to run for a while and the numbness subsided.  So I figured I could just run through this again, and all would be OK.  Four km later, my foot is still annoyingly numb.  But the numbness is starting to be exchanged with a stabbing pain.  Again I considered if I should stop or not – it was really starting to suck.

I continue on, but it’s very noticeable that I’m getting passed by 100s of people, and I’m not passing anyone.

The final half a dozen kilometres were worse still. My speed was reduced to 6mins/km, otherwise my legs felt like they would seize up.  And new feelings of being sick come on the scene to add to the experience.

With a kilometre to go, and then 100m to go I assumed I was going to finish, but I was not overly confident about anything.

I have the ability during any run to break into an impressive sprint when I know I’ll finish soon.  I think I could have sped up a little at this tragic event also, but there was little point and hypocritical to finish fast.  Instead I just maintain my dilapidated canter and stop dead over the finish line.  One of the first-aid ladies take a look at me and ask if  I’m alright. Not a good sign.

Very disappoining end to a disappointing run.  But I guess there are two positives to take from the event. One is I finished despite the adversity, and two is at least I beat the Queensland Premier, Anna Bligh.

ADDENDUM:
I was still not well more than a week after the run.  In fact I was worse.  I chose to go against my usual tendencies, and this time actually visit a doctor.  He diagnosed my issue as an infected windpipe.  He was suitably unimpressed that I had attempted a half marathon in that condition.

Antio-biotics and an asthma puffer have eased things.